I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?