Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
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I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.