She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
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he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
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My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.