My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.