I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
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Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I will die if light touches me.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
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Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad