Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Massachusetts (617)

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  Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.

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  (617): Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem. http://tfl.nu/80or
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  Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate

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  (617): Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate http://tfl.nu/lx6z
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  So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?

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  (617): So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus? http://tfl.nu/bsxq
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  I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does

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  (617): I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does http://tfl.nu/o8tg
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  he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time

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  (617): he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time http://tfl.nu/x6gg
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  I just found out I have a small penis.

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  Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?

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  (617): I just found out I have a small penis. (781): Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend? http://tfl.nu/6gqe
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  how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?

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  (617): how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night? http://tfl.nu/7t3i
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  they had a keg party to fund her abortion.

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  (617): they had a keg party to fund her abortion. http://tfl.nu/e4dr
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  he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave

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  (617): he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave http://tfl.nu/ypxh
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  I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.

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  (617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot. http://tfl.nu/tunm
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  I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...

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  (617): I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing... http://tfl.nu/p474
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  Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.

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  (617): Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero. http://tfl.nu/4xtx
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  He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.

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  (617): He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up. http://tfl.nu/h2lf
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  you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.

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  (617): you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on. http://tfl.nu/kzav
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  We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"

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  (617): We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?" http://tfl.nu/sgk0
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