I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
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you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
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i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
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