Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
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and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
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When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.