Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation