While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.