i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
