Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
