First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm fucking your sister right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?