How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through