I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"