So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie