So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie