Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.