Texts From Last Night

mr_martini's Favorites Texts:

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.

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  (508): Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess. http://tfl.nu/kvya
  Replies (7) Good night (1569) Bad night (350)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.

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  (215): You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you. http://tfl.nu/sg3o
  Replies (7) Good night (958) Bad night (404) Order T-Shirt
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.

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  (269): We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable. http://tfl.nu/14d9
  Replies (3) Good night (1386) Bad night (368) Order T-Shirt
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.

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  (303): You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June. http://tfl.nu/llud
  Replies (13) Good night (2650) Bad night (450) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.

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  (714): She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING. http://tfl.nu/p2v7
  Replies (13) Good night (2953) Bad night (527) Order T-Shirt
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.

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  (610): pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco. http://tfl.nu/n13q
  Replies (12) Good night (2023) Bad night (321) Order T-Shirt
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Life is too short to have fake orgasms.

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  (412): Life is too short to have fake orgasms. http://tfl.nu/1oh4
  Replies (14) Good night (2685) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer

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  (239): Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer http://tfl.nu/egws
  Replies (5) Good night (831) Bad night (570) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  I want "hickeys on my ass" sex

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  (805): I want "hickeys on my ass" sex http://tfl.nu/gaw7
  Replies (10) Good night (1663) Bad night (431) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Bad breakup?

  (1-410): View more from Maryland

  He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.

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  (410): Bad breakup? (1-410): He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB. http://tfl.nu/4dsn
  Replies (54) Good night (1169) Bad night (6108)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first

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  (412): I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first http://tfl.nu/vbea
  Replies (4) Good night (1362) Bad night (392) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.

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  (304): Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms. http://tfl.nu/onlr
  Replies (5) Good night (1851) Bad night (316)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.

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  (847): I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet. http://tfl.nu/ancz
  Replies (10) Good night (3821) Bad night (518) Order T-Shirt
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.

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  (512): Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food. http://tfl.nu/gt6w
  Replies (11) Good night (2573) Bad night (364) Order T-Shirt