Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
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I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.