Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".