btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth