and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
