And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.