I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight