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had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she pinky promised me she was 18
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