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He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
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