I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
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I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
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I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...