before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.