Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...