His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"