omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning