I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."