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He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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