My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
