I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
