September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
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She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
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You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.