September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.