We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
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I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
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We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.