Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night