a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.