I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.