And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
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She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.