Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
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My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.