Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.