Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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