It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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