In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.