You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!