Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!