I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
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Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.