He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch