I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"