The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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