I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.