I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.