Texts From Last Night

Texts from February, 2011

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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car

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  (724): You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car http://tfl.nu/cede
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  (858): View more from California

  the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.

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  (858): the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus. http://tfl.nu/isnl
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?

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  (307): How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots? http://tfl.nu/gvsx
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  (904): View more from Florida

  Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.

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  (904): Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer. http://tfl.nu/ug99
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.

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  (919): I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage. http://tfl.nu/i318
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.

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  (617): I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis. http://tfl.nu/8mhm
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"

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  (301): we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos" http://tfl.nu/vb8d
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.

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  (519): Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn. http://tfl.nu/jg1z
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.

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  (952): I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler. http://tfl.nu/21hn
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  (207): View more from Maine

  My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.

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  (207): My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad. http://tfl.nu/6faf
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.

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  (303): According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool. http://tfl.nu/eu48
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?

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  (734): Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill? http://tfl.nu/7ius
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.

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  (720): I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole. http://tfl.nu/jzio
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.

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  (281): I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked. http://tfl.nu/jbhc
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.

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  (859): I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin. http://tfl.nu/i4o4
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