ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I checked into jail on foursquare
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the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."