We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.